Thursday, January 31, 2013

Welcome to my nightmare... (song title, not bad news)

Folks, it's been a little while since this blog has been amusing, so I thought I would post a minimal update here just because it struck me as funny.

In a post-Revlimid world, I have to be cautious about secondary malignancies.  Regular readers will recall I had to have my index finger carved up to remove a squamous carcinoma (skin tissue cancer).  Plus I had that nasty viral issue that manifested as hand / foot / mouth disease (not to be confused with hoof and mouth disease, which I might get one of these days).

The upshot is, I am pretty watchful as to my skin these days.

My wife noticed a freckle that seemed to be changing pigment, so I was finally, after some difficulty, able to get a dermatologist on my insurance plan who was recommended by my primary care physician.  I went to see her.  I won't even use initials here because what I'm going to say isn't the nicest thing in the world and I'm sure she's a very good doctor.

For starters, she was a dead ringer for Alice Cooper.


I mean this is almost an exact copy of her except Alice's eye makeup is a little less extreme than hers, and her hair was much more...uhh...vertical than this and quite a bit messier.

Now, I'm no prize myself most days so far be it from me to pick on somebody for their appearance, particularly when they're involved in my care.  But it was an amusing comparison.  I mean I feel like I'm looking at a picture from her medical school yearbook when I look at this photo here.

After giving her my illustrious medical history, including the skin cancer and the weird hand / foot / mouth thing, we went into an exam room.  The exam room smelled like...

Well, let's put it this way.  Ever know an extremely socially awkward, nerdy guy who was very booksmart in high school but whose parents never informed him about body odor?  When I was in business school in Boston, I took one class at MIT.  Every student there is, by some measure, a genius. But many, seemingly, fall into this category of brilliant kids unaware of basic anatomy when it comes to sweat glands and armpits.  I remember walking into a stairwell with about 100 of these kids and the concentrated BO was almost enough to make me black out.

The exam room smelled just like that.

Ugh.

I almost said something because I didn't want Dr. Cooper to think it was *me*, after all.  Then I though "my God, what if it's HER and I say something?"  So I kept my mouth shut.  She couldn't *possibly* think it was me, I thought to myself.  It smelled like an elephant had died in the place, had decomposed, and had only recently been removed.

I withstood a couple of biopsies of tissue on my back and will get the results in a week, after which I shall dutifully report them, dear reader.

The other thing I had Alice look at was my fingernails.  After falling out from the H / F / M virus, they have regrown fully (except for the mangled forefinger where only some of the nailbed is capable of growing tissue -- I'm growing that out as best I can so I have something there, but it ain't pretty).  There are some strange anomalies like a non-rounded nail on my left thumb (instead of just being one smooth arc from left to right across the face of the nail, it's ridged somewhat).  Dr. Cooper said this was nothing to worry about and was likely the result of the virus, which should resolve over time (months).

There you have it folks.  Next time you hear "Schools Out for Summer" or "No More Mr. Nice Guy," remind yourself to make an appointment with a dermatologist for a checkup.

8 comments:

  1. Funny! After your lead, I thought of AC's 'Is It My Body' and 'Bad Place Alone'. Smell you later...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yuck.. dead elephants? Powerful. Intending the results are all you want them to be, and the good thing is that you know your smeller is still working well - LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anyone who needs breast cancer treatment, a complete and comprehensive medical center in India can properly take care of it. These medical centers which consist of some of the most skilled, knowledgeable and experienced nurses, pharmacists, therapists, counselors, dieticians, physicians, and various other professionals, are properly equipped to deliver best Breast cancer treatments and Brain tumor treatment services. Apart from that, there are also proper facilities, using which one can go for mastectomy and re-constructive surgeries.
    Cancer Hospitals in India are home to few of the most well known Cancer consultants. Due to large population in India, the experience of these cancer consultants is enormous. The equipments in these heart hospitals are the latest in the world and the facilities match the five star hotel standards. Apollo Hospital Chennai has recently installed Cyberknife Technology which is the most advanced technology for treating cancer in the world.

    best hospital in india for breast cancer treatment
    best hospital in india for lung cancer
    best hospital in india for lung cancer
    best hospital in india for eye

    ReplyDelete
  4. Funny! That is, if you didn't have to experience it live! For someone who swears they are always healthy and treatment isn't a "big deal," you sure have some unusual health issues! Me, too. Guess its part poisoning your body over a number of years. You are one tough guy, Nick!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am Mariam,from what I can read. It has been sad news and scam to everyone about Voodoo casters or so. But to me they are so real cause one worked for me not quite two weeks.i met this man on a blog his name is lalude Abija is a very powerful man.I traveled down to where his shrine his and we both did the ritual and sacrifice.he had no website site, and now me and my ex are living very ok now.I don't know about you but Voodoo is real;love marriage,finance, job promotion ,lottery Voodoo,poker voodoo,golf Voodoo,Law & Court case Spells,money voodoo,weigh loss voodoo,diabetic voodoo,hypertensive voodoo,high cholesterol voodoo,Trouble in marriage,Barrenness(need a child),Luck, Money Spells,it's all he does. I used my money to purchase everything he used he never collected a dime from. He told me I can repay him anytime with anything from my heart. Now I don't know how to do that. If you can help or you need his help write him on ( oduakar1@live.com ) Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is a robot I asked Miriam how her job with abija went and she said in her email to me sent sent him 365$ and box was delivered DHL express like he told me he would do mine she followed his instructions well above it say s she went down there and did the ritual with him ok white girl going to Nigeria for voodoo yeah ok and he told me if I send 285$ he would complete my job well guess what I told him I only had $100 and if I sent western union to him I would see results in 24 hours there is no repaying with your heart because if that's the case if I saw results after the $100 was sent I would have sent it all Beware scammers and Miriam is his only blogger

    ReplyDelete
  7. HIV/AIDS DISEASE HAS CURE CONTACT DR OGUGU NOW Whatsapp/ call: +2348081594908
    I want to share my testimony about my HIV virus that was cured by a herbalist Dr Ogugu with his roots and herbs,Since last 4 years I have being a HIV AID patient. I never think I will live long again and am so grateful about Dr Ogugu who cured my HIV AIDS last week. I was in pains so I told one of my friend and she told me that there is a herbalist that can cure my HIV with his roots and herbs. do contact him now she read someone testimony from a website online on how Dr Ogugu cure her from HIV AIDS and she also collected Dr Ogugu website and email. She gave me the contact info, I emailed him and he prepared herbal medicine for me with his roots and herbs, after two weeks he ask me to go for a test. Which I did, when the doctor told me that am now a HIV negative patient I couldn't believe myself I went to see another doctor and the result was still the same, Thank God everything is fine, I'm cured by Dr Ogugu with his herbal medicine, I'm very thankful to Dr Ogugu and very happy with my family.Dr Ogugu can also offer any types of help like Curing of all types of Diseases and lot's more.

    Whatsapp/ call: +2348081594908
    Email: Oguguspellcaster@gmail.com

    He can also cure the following diseases
    1. Herpes virus
    2. Chronic venous disease
    3. Gonorrhoea
    4. Hiv/aids
    5. Alzheimers disease
    6. Asepsis
    7. Cancer
    8. Cerebrovascular meningitis
    9. Infertility problems
    10. Als/ebv
    11. Hpv
    12. Enlargement of any type
    13. Getting back ex lover/divorce
    14. Hepatitis a,b,c
    15. Syphilis
    16. Arthritis
    17. Severe atopic dermatitis
    18. Leukemia /lupus virus and many more...

    Whatsapp/ call: +2348081594908
    Email: Oguguspellcaster@gmail.com
    Web Page: https://oguguspellcaster.wixsite.com/spell

    ReplyDelete
  8. Well, not straight that is. The Federal Court System is different from the routine court as well as keeps its very own documents. These are, actually, all smoothly cataloged at the National Criminal polk county mugshots Offense Information Center, and also come to police specialists and also participants of the Justice System twenty 4 hrs a day, 7 days a week.

    ReplyDelete