Tuesday, June 30, 2009

A visit from the Noonday Devil

Interesting turn of phrase, right? I always wondered what set the Noonday Devil apart from other devils. I remember it was one of the particular things that Max Von Sydow was hoping to rid poor little Linda Blair of.

Speaking of which...possible side effects of Melphalan shown below.

Anyhow...back to the Noonday Devil.

Turns out that per Augustine, the Noonday Devil, as distinct from other devils, shows up at particular times to make us doubt that "it's all worth it." It's a sadness that sets in...a certain defeatism that targets us when we're getting a little weary of the burden.

Well the Noonday Devil has been paddling my ass most of the day.

I got my results back from last week's labs. 0.3g/dl. I have hit the wall definitively in terms of progress.

Not much else to say, really. My question remains as I identified it last week: if I'm relying on VRD to get remission shouldn't I have been on this in the first place, with transplants (tandem or otherwise) AFTER achieving remission, and then maintenance?

To use another acronym, rather than use VTD-PACE or VRD...how about WTF?

The question is one only BB can answer. Until then, I'll try to keep the Noonday Devil at bay.


  1. This is one of those really tough times, but where you have to hang in there! Your doctor treats your case with the best medicine he knows. Remission is rarely, if ever, achieved with VRD. Believe it. Stare into the eyes of that Devil and say "Not here, Not me, Not today!" You and Jon WILL beat this. I believe.

  2. Hang in there Nick - it's a roller coaster, and this is just one of the downturns. I know you can and will beat this. For now, just enjoy having your family around...that's the best medicine by far.

  3. Keep the faith Nick. You've come to far to be discouraged now! Everyone is sending all kinds of positive thoughts your way

  4. Just wanted to send a note to say we're thinking of you always. Allow yourself to feel everything that comes to you... sad, happy, mad, hopeful. Wish we could do more to brighten your day when it's dark. It's a long road but you're doing awesome. Just keep believing.

  5. Still here, still readin', stay positive man.